Kris' Journal
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Wednesday, December 31, 2003
So I feel kinda silly, or if not silly, then sheepish at least. I feel as if I am the kid who abandoned something only to discover that she really missed it. I do, however, have internet access once again, so, I'm back (whether you want me back or not).
Many, many updates:
(work first) I have been working with Carrabba's almost a year now, and I'm happy to report it's been quite a productive union. I bartend and headwait (that's my favorite) and I recently went to an opening in houston. All in all, things are well.
(school next, I suppose) I am still on my temporary leave of absense. I have decided I'll go back when I WANT to go back, which won't be anytime soon. My mom has been fairly supportive in all this, unfortunately, my father and my friends have not.
(friends) I have a great group of girls through work, whom I love. It's neat because we're both very much alike and worlds of difference.
(love) I don't even want to talk about it it. It is in shambles. Blah.
(health) I got the flu for christmas. Boo.
So happy new year to all, and I'm baaaaaaaaaack.
Current mood:  hopeful Current music: blue october
Thursday, February 27, 2003
1:26AM
Lately, I tend to find quite a few songs that i can relate to, at just the right time. I like to turn them way up, and scream my lungs out.
I am too tired to say much, just time for a little update. Wuv my new roomates. Wuv my new apartment. Wuv my job. Wuv my life.
WUV!
Stuff STILL left to do (hey, it's shorter):
-My gym membership cancelled in San Antonio.
-A new gym found in Austin.
-My tan membership cancelled.
-Credit card paid.
Things I HAVE accomplished:
-My lease signed in Austin.
-Moved in.
-My sprint phone cancelled.
-An Austin cell with another provider. (T-mobile or Cingular)
Current mood:  crazy Current music: Ok Go - Get Over It
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
1:30AM
Fuck you, you psycho.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
I just made a decision I should have made a LONG time ago. I don't need people like you poisoning my life. Especially when all I was doing was trying to help you. You're blocked. On aim, on here. From my life. Please don't email me.
My REAL friends stand by me, and will continue to do so. Love you guys.
Current mood:  pissed off
Saturday, February 22, 2003
I get a big pat on the back, I signed my lease today. Didja hear that? I SIGNED MY LEASE! I move in tuesday! I have a little list of phone numbers from the complex of girls in need of a roommate. I'm going to call them all and "interview" them. I'm not looking for a best buddy or 3, I just want someone who isn't insane. Or pathetic. Someone that might even be cool to go downtown with.
It finally hit me today, leaving the apartments. I am an Austinite again! It feels so comfortable, so right. My mom says she can even hear it in my voice.
I had today off from work, it was so nice. It was an especially gorgeous day too, so I went to the park with some take out chinese food and a good book. Just the kind of day i needed. The people at work are party ANIMALS. I went out with them to play pool and drink at Click's (biggest beers ever, $3) on wednesday. Then we went over to Amy's apartment and just hang out. We were all pretty toasted. Friday night, against my better judgement, I went out agian, different group of people from work. We went downtown and I got so drunk, I have no idea where we went after Chuggin' Monkey. All I know is, I can dance, baby!
It's been fun. Good times. I'm out.
Current mood: ecstatic Current music: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
2:36PM
Things that need to get done:
-My lease signed in Austin.
-Moved in.
-My gym membership cancelled in San Antonio.
-A new gym found in Austin. (Gold's? I liked it okay, kinda big and flashy)
-My sprint phone cancelled.
-An Austin cell with another provider. (T-mobile or Cingular)
-My tan membership cancelled. (Eep, I'm so vain)
-Credit card paid.
Things I HAVE accomplished:
-Finished training.
-Met new Austin-friends who will help me move.
-Spent some QT with both Lara and Ash.
-Made tons of money Vday.
-My last day at the real estate agency.
So the first list is a little longer than the second. I have been putting off signing the lease, just staying with Lara, because it seems so permanent. Not that I'm not excited about moving up here, but do I really want to move in with girls I don't know? Or will it just be the same situation I had before, all over again? Damn. I don't like this whole "making my own decisions" thing I started. But I've got to.
It feels odd to be getting up later than everyone else, while they're in school, and going to work in the evening. Hopefully though, I'll be working mostly days. I'd like to be able to actually see my friends sometimes.
I feel like such a fat ass. I've been eating badly, a combination of working at the best Italian restaurant ever and horrid Vday where there were chocolates and cookies everywhere at work. And I ate them all. PLUS, I haven't been to the gym in like a week, because of not being in SA.
Enough complaining, now is a time for action. (And it's time to go to work.)
Sunday, February 16, 2003
Saturday, February 15, 2003
Wow. I don't even know where to begin, this might be kinda long. And uninteresting to most of you. But it's an update, nonetheless.
Last weekend I went up to Waco to see Ash-ee. I wuvs my Ash-ee. It's so great to be around her, she makes me feel so good about myself, because she has faith in me. We went bar-hopping on thursday night, went to see Vallejo play. We were chatting with a couple guys, one of whom leached onto Ash and wouldn't leave. That's what she gets for talking politics in a bar to a drunk guy. He wouldn't SHUT UP. The one I was talking to took off with friends to go to another club, and I met the owner of a promotions company for quite a few bands. He travels with them all over and does publicity and stuff for their shows, and he's not much older than me. What a cool job. He said when any of his bands come to Austin he'll put me on his guest list. How cool is that? "I'm with the band."
On Friday we just loafed around and laid in bed all day, reading and talking about men and sex. We got up, worked out, went grocery shopping, then went and hung out with the people who live across the hall from her. We played drunken jinga. Pretty low-key day. Saturday I drove back to San Marcos to stay with Lara, we went out that night, and I got pretty shitty. Slept on some random person's couch.
Sunday was the beginning of the week of hell. Actually, it hasn't been that bad at all. I just started training then, and had to memorized the wine list and menu. That was no fun, but I'm loving up the rest. I didn't realize I'd actually missed waiting tables, or how easy it would be to fall right back into it. So it was like 8 to 10 hour days sunday through thursday, tests and "classroom training" during the day, floor training at night. I have one more day of training left, my last follow, I'll probably do Monday. I worked carry out (to go) on Friday, and it was insane. Made mad cash and had a blast, there were 4 of us doing it, and even though I was the newest, I easily took charge. It was great. I can't wait to not be a trainee anymore. My own section, boo-ya.
It was weird working in a nice restaurant on VDay. Smoochy couples EVERYWHERE. I'm not the type for that to get me down, because truthfully, I don't envy them one bit. It just got old. And sickening. And it was a long 12 hours on my feet, working lunch and dinner. But I kept smiling.
And then I got off work, and no shit. I have a secret admirer! There were hearts chalked on my car windows and flowers on hood. How cool is that? I was grinning from ear to ear. I don't want involved in anything right now, but it feels good to be loved (or liked anyways). And then I got to talk to Jon all the way home, for like 2 hours. I have missed him the last few weeks, I've been so busy. It was really nice, and very nice of him to bail on his friday night plans to talk to me. Such a sweetie. It took me half the time we were talking to get out the story about my day, I kept interrupting myself with outbursts. Sometimes I'm hepped up on goofballs.
So, now I'm at work, my last day at the real estate office. I'm going to miss the guys, but not too much. ;)
Wednesday, February 5, 2003
10:08PM
I found a job! Woo Hoo!
So it's not exactly what I was looking for. I'm going to be waitressing at Carrabbas. I swore I'd never wait tables again, but I'm beyond desperate. And I move into my new place in the next two weeks. I go to sign the papers right before orientation!
Saturday, February 1, 2003
4:50PM
Nothing to say.
I've tried several times over to put together thoughts, phrases, sentences in some sort of form so I could post them. But I can't seem to. Writer's Block. Oh the frustration.
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
It was a pigtail day. My hair is finally long enough to brush my shoulders when worn in pigtails. I have a baby face, and it throws people off when they see pigtails on me.
I got up early (with a smile on my face) and was early to work, despite having totally screwed up my sleep schedule.
I did a kick ASS workout after work. 2 hours, full on. 250 sit-ups. I love my gym, all the trainers recognize me and stop to give me encouragement or tease me.
I bought the fabric for my obi! It came out to less than 5 dollars, and I should have some black satin left over. I will be one sexy mo-fo when i get this made.
I am in a terrific mood, for all the above reasons, and a few more. *smile*
Sunday, January 26, 2003
8:11PM
 You are red. You are impure, but noble. You are precious and true to yourself and others. When you love, you love entirely, and will do anything to make your love happy. You are sure of your identity, therefore, you cannot change others or be changed. You are a true prince, you may be forgotten, but without you, none of us could go on. What inner color are you? [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font [...] shirono</font>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <A HREF= " http://quizilla.com/users/Shirono/quizzes/The%20inner%20color%20quiz%20(Utena%20Images)" > <IMG SRC="http://homepage.mac.com/werkers/colorquiz/youarered.jpg"> <P>You are red. You are impure, but noble. You are precious and true to yourself and others. When you love, you love entirely, and will do anything to make your love happy. You are sure of your identity, therefore, you cannot change others or be changed. You are a true prince, you may be forgotten, but without you, none of us could go on.</P> <P>What inner color are you? </P></A> <P><FONT SIZE= "-1"Quiz by Shirono</FONT> </P>
Saturday, January 25, 2003
Dammit all to hell in a handbasket. I knew the "easy life" wouldn't last. Apparently I promised 2 very different friends I would spend this evening with them, and they will both be very mad at me if I don't spend time with both of them.
FUCK.
What do I do?
Current mood: irritated
Forget everything I wrote yesterday. There is nothing quite like going out to mmake you forget your troubles, albeit temporarily.
So we went to Far West Rodeo last night to see Cross Canadian Ragweed play. It was me, Lara, Karin, Kristin, Ben, Justin, Paul, Jenny and Josh. I know everyone really well except Kristin and Jenny.
Last night:
I got home at 4:00. Yes 4:00 am. I had to be at work this morning at 9:00. That's about 4 hours of sleep and I'm still walking on sunshine.
Cowboys are HOT. Who knew?
I drank one (or five) too many rum and cokes last night.
Lara taught me how to get a guy to buy you a drink. I think I'll just pay for my own drinks, thank you very much. It's worth three dollars to me to not feel like I owe anyone anything, even if it's just conversation.
I ran into my ex's best friend, who was extremely happy to see me. He gave lots of hugs, and kept saying "where have you BEEN?" I asked about Paul, but he just sort of blew it off. Either there's something I'm not supposed to know about (not that I care) or the two of them are on the outs.
I got some digits. From a VERY sexy baseball player. I don't know if I'm going to call him, but DAMN that's good for my ego.
I had plans for tonight, but if this natural high (or maybe I'm just still drunk) wears off, I might bail to stay home and veg.
Current mood:  bouncy Current music: "blah blah land sales blah"
Friday, January 24, 2003
Well, it's now official. All the years of being cruel to boys, All the times I've snuck around, all the lies I've told, All the taking the chicken shit way out have caught up to me. Or are in the proccess of catching up to me, since I don't know if karma collects interest.
It's funny, I can remember a time when I thought I was invincible. I can remember when no one had the capacity to hurt me, because I was in control. Control is such an important thing to me, I suppose that's why I never got into the whole drug scene. But the control got the better of me, and it got to be too easy to get what I want. To live life like that. I honestly don't think I'm a manipulative person, that's not who I want to be, anyway.
I'm just going to have to suffer through this and take my lumps as they come, because I want to be back on even ground. I want to be able to feel like a good person all of the time, and not have to look over my shoulder to make sure I'm not saying something someone might hear.
I have been in pain a considerable amount since I broke up with paul. There are things that might seem to have caused me pain, but suprisingly, that's not it. I could care less if some random guy doesn't call me back. In the grand scheme of things, this doesn't affect my life in the least.
What has hurt me so bad is that I have lost my best friend. He was with me, through everything I've gone through in the last few years, one of the few people who were supportive and didn't say "I told you so" when I finally ended it with paul. But now, he's no longer speaking to me. I can't help but fear this is permanent, because he doesn't do things half way. He's an intense person, and I don't think he's taking it well that I'm not dating him. I've never seen him act this irrational before, but I really don't think us dating would be the best idea. And now he's not talking to me. FUCK. I don't want to lose a friend over this.
And I also hate it when someone disappoints me, through no fault of their own. I just built up this ideal of who they are and it's impossible to meet up with my standards. It's just disenheartening to misjudge someone, I guess because I was actually starting to trust my instinct.
And, finally, I have been put in a rather uncomfortable position as of late. My ex is calling me again. Normally, I'd tell him to buzz off, but we had fun. And I'm weak. And I need to get laid. How sad that it's even a factor.
Oh, so that's my long list of complaints about men. Now that all my bitching and moaning is done, perhaps I'll get over it and move on.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
8:32PM
Things I do NOT want to miss this year (hopefully in cronological order):
Spike & Mike's Twisted Film Festival
Carnivale (in Austin)
Mardi Gras (in New Orleans)
Niosa (in San Antonio)
TexRenFest (in Houston)
a Scabs concert (please guys, come back)
Waco to see Ashley
I'm sure there's more. I know I'd like to go to alot of concerts, and I wish I hadn't missed the tattoo convention in Austin a few weeks ago. It's time to start doing more stuff, instead of just going to bars and movies.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
8:32AM
Needless to say, I'm at Lara's and she felt the need to finish yesterday's post for me. She thinks I'm a big dork for even having an online journal, but ah. Whatcha gonna do?
So yeah, like I was saying, as I drive around Austin looking for a job, I realize there are some things about this place I will always love. I'm getting all nostalgic just thinking about walking around Congress Ave going in shops and going to Zilker Park and driving around town.
But, oh my holy christ, the traffic. I had forgotten how bad the traffic gets for NO REASON.
Gah.
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
There are things about Austin that makes me homesick every time I come into town...
Driving up Lamar to see the skyline.
I am a dork. I need to move to San Marcos and live by my best friend Lara.
All bragging, don't read if you don't want to hear it:
Do you ever have one of those days where you're just on? I had one of those days today. I went to work, which was mundane but profitable, then went directly to the gym. I was just going to work out for an hour then shower so I could meet a friend for dinner, but I ran into a guy I know who's been really wanting to train me lately. So he did. Hardest I've worked out in a long time, he kicks butt. We did legs and abs, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand tomorrow. And we're going to work out again on Wednesday, do arms and back. I was hanging out in his office and we were talking about my progress, he had noticed I lost a little weight. I'm down to 106, baby! And he said I only have about two more weeks of workouts until I reach my ideal look. Hell yeah!
AND this lady in the lockerroom gave me the most badass compliment. I was putting on my makeup after my shower and she came up to me and said "Wow. You're body looks like one of those girls in the fitness magazines." Hooray, gym! My confidence is at an all time high right now, nobody can bring me down.
Current mood: accomplished Current music: OLP-innocent
Saturday, January 18, 2003
So I was going to start eating healthier. I really was. Then one of the mom's at work brought her daughter's girl scout cookies by. Shoot. Had it just been and order form, I could have resisted. But now I have a opened box of cookies on my desk in front of me, that will probably make me sugar high and sick by the end of the day.
Oddly enough, I was talking to someone last night about my favorite candies. I love candy. My top five are:
5. Conversational Hearts
4. Haribo Gummy bears
3. Cadsbury Cream Eggs
2. Rock Candy
1. Candy Corn
Current mood: silly
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